I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
