You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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