and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
