yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
