I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize