I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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