you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
