I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
