i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
