I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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