she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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