Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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