You smell like a Billy Joel song
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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