I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
