Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
