my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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