Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
