I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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