it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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