I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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