i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
