apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
