After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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