DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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