3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
