Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
