I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
