I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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