I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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