i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
