He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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