is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
