Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
