you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have fence marks all over my body
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize