Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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