so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
