There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
