I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.