Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.