my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That accounts for only three of the penises
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This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?