Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
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just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
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He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world