i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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