Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
