Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
