I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
