New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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