Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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