i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
