I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
