yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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