Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
