We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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