Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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