You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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