careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
