UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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