Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
