My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
