I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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