dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
