I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
