I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
