You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize