Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
